


i can't find the air

by pseudowoodo



Series: you know that we're worth it [2]
Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-06
Updated: 2018-08-06
Packaged: 2019-06-22 14:23:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15583869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pseudowoodo/pseuds/pseudowoodo
Summary: “I wish the universe would just tell you who your soulmate is.”“What, like send a singing telegram?”Sebastian buys Blaine a drink after he wins school president. s4 au.





	i can't find the air

**Author's Note:**

> set immediately after [this fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11750877) before the Break Up in 4x04
> 
> for Seblaine Week 2018 Day 2: Soulmate Au

“I wish the universe would just tell you who your soulmate is.”

“What, like send a singing telegram?”

Blaine picks his head off the bar to glare at Sebastian. “ _No_. Like - I don’t know. Like their name just appears on you, or you see them or touch them and there’s some sort of sign, a real one. Something so you don’t have to wonder and it can just be _easy_.”

Sebastian snorts, shaking his head a little as he takes a sip of his beer. His hair’s longer than it used to be and Blaine’s been trying all night to decide whether or not he likes it.

“Of course _you_ don’t believe in soulmates,” he mutters, going back to pouting. They’ve been at the bar long enough now that Blaine’s lost track of time and the number of drinks he’s had. He’d dressed carefully for his post election victory party, even forgoing a bow tie at Sam’s suggestion, but now his shirt’s all rumpled and his blazer, long discarded, is thrown over the back of his chair.

There’s a clunk as Sebastian puts his bottle down. “What’s the big deal anyway? I thought you knew who your soulmate was.”

Blaine looks over ready to berate Sebastian for teasing him, but Sebastian’s not looking at him and he doesn’t seem particularly amused.

“I did. I mean, I do.” Now Blaine’s not looking at Sebastian, though he feels his gaze turn on him. “I just wish there was a way to be _sure_.”

“Trouble in paradise?” Blaine can’t read anything in his tone, and he’s sure Sebastian put a lot of effort into making it that way.

“Long distance is harder that I thought it would be,” he admits. “Kurt’s always so busy. I mean of course he is, he’s in _New York_. He’s having the time of his life.” He sighs, picking at the label of his bottle. “I know it’s stupid but I feels like he’s already moving on from me. I mean what are the chances he actually met his soulmate in Lima, Ohio?”

“You’re right. You should dump him and transfer back to Dalton.”

“I’m being serious,” Blaine says, annoyed his pity party is going unappreciated.

“So am I.” He grins. “Come on, you know I’m basically the last person in the world you should be asking for relationship advice, right?”

“I don’t have anyone else to talk to.” He puts his his head in his hands with a groan. “God, it’s so pathetic.”

“What about your glee club? Aren’t you always going on about how you’re like family?”

“Yeah, but it’s like _Kurt’s_ family. I’d be complaining about him to my _in-laws_. They’ll just tell me I’m being ridiculous.”

“Speaking from experience there?”

“Well they’re right aren’t they? I’m worrying over nothing.”

“It’s not nothing if you’re unhappy, Blaine.”

The word _unhappy_ hits like a slap to the face, the kind used to wake people up. But he’s not supposed to think that, not supposed to feel it, so he shakes his head. “It’s only for a year. Then we’ll be back together and everything will be _fine_.”

“Because you’re soulmates.” He doesn’t actually use air quotes but Blaine can hear them. They’re implied.

“Don’t be like that,” he whines. “What’s wrong with the idea that there’s someone out there you’re meant to be with?”

“It’s depressing. What if they die before you meet them, or have already fallen in love with someone else, or you just never cross paths? Is that it? Do you just not get love and happiness?”

“It’s destiny. That means you have to meet them and they _have_ to love you.” If Kurt doesn’t love him anymore does that mean he’s lost his soulmate or that he was never his soulmate to begin with? Does it even matter if he ends up miserable and alone either way?

“I guess I don’t like the idea that you only get one shot.”

“That’s what makes it special,” Blaine protests weakly.

“It doesn’t have to be _one_ to be special. I mean there are _billions_ of people out there, there’s got to be at least a hundred of them that could be equally perfect for you, or whatever a soulmate is supposed to be. And sure, a bunch are in China or wherever, but it’s still better odds.”

Blaine squints up at him. “You get kinda rambley when you’re drunk.” And maybe he’s just imagining it, but Sebastian almost looks embarrassed, like he’s not just being cynical, like this actually matters to him. The idea does something to Blaine’s chest, something warm and fuzzy that he’s ninety percent sure isn’t just the alcohol.

He shrugs. “Look, maybe Kurt is your soulmate, maybe he’s not, either way, you’ve still got options.”

The words feel like a sign, like what he was looking for when he started this conversation, when he called Sebastian in the first place and agreed to let him buy him a drink. Or maybe it’s not a sign he was looking for but an excuse, something concrete to blame for how miserable he’s been since Kurt left, or to be honest, since last year when Kurt made it clear that nothing and no one was ever going to matter to him as much as New York. Either way, he slips his hand around Sebastian’s neck, fingers brushing against his too long hair, and kisses him.

And Sebastian kisses back, urgently, like he’s been waiting, like he's not going to get another chance. Then, just as suddenly as he started, he stops.

“What’s wrong?” Blaine asks, catching his fingers in Sebastian’s shirt, keeping him from going too far.

“This is a bad idea.”

“Why do you care? Isn’t this what you wanted?” That's why Blaine had called him, wasn't it? Because he’d wanted to be wanted.

Sebastian doesn’t deny it. Blaine can feel the heat of his breath, smell the alcohol as he sighs. “I don’t want you to hate me any more than you already do.”

“I don’t hate you.”

“You will tomorrow.”

“I won’t,” he insists with a stubborn shake of his head.

Sebastian hesitates, but then he shakes his head too. “It’s late. We should be getting home.”

“I don’t wanna go home,” Blaine whines. He slumps forward, nudging his nose on Sebastian’s collarbone. He can almost feel his heartbeat.

Gently, Sebastian pushes him off as he slips down from his bar stool, leaning forward to talk to the bartender about payment and taxis and responsible things Blaine doesn’t want to think about. Distantly, he can feel a wave of guilt and panic looming on the horizon, on its way to drown him, still far enough he can ignore it and cling to Sebastian as they leave the bar.

When Sebastian tries to deposit him into a cab Blaine attempts to pull him down with him. “Please. I don’t want to be alone.”

Sebastian stands there for a moment, braced against the frame of the car door, face obscured in shadow. Blaine thinks he hears him sigh. “Look, call me tomorrow and we can do whatever you want, okay?” he says finally.

Blaine nods and uncurls his fingers from his coat.

“Goodnight, Blaine,” he says and closes the door.

 

Later, lying in bed, hazy with sleep and alcohol, he scrawls Sebastian’s name on the inside of his wrist, just to see how it would look there. He drifts off tracing his fingers over the matching looping ‘S’’s.

In the morning he rubs the skin red trying to erase it. He doesn’t call.


End file.
